


And It Feels So Good

by MoonlitMusings



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Gotta get these all up before the new season after all, M/M, Who's ready for another reunion fic!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 16:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitMusings/pseuds/MoonlitMusings
Summary: Reunion:1. An instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation.2. The act or process of being brought together again as a unified whole.





	And It Feels So Good

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say? I gotta get all these reunion fics posted before season 3 josses them all. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Reunion:

1\. An instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation.

2\. The act or process of being brought together again as a unified whole.

———————————————————————————

Juno was almost glad he’d refused to put down his visor and gotten a facefull of dirt. It meant he had an excuse for how long it took him to say anything.

“Hello, Juno. It’s been a while.” He looked like a dream, lounging on top of that car. Juno would know— he’d dreamt this moment enough times. Juno honestly didn’t know what to make of the greeting. The words, the smile... Was he taunting him? Flaunting what Juno had walked away from? Was he putting on a show? Using an alias that was just that dramatic? Or... or was he just genuinely happy to see him again?

Juno half-faked another coughing fit while he tried to collect himself. He had to say the right thing. He’d thought about this moment endlessly during the past year, after all. Surely he could think of _something_ good. Something smooth, and maybe a little flirty, but also heartfelt. Something that told Nureyev that Juno was sorry, and he knew Nureyev didn’t owe him anything, but if he could get another chance he’d take it in a heartbeat.

“Hey,” he finally wheezed. _Shit,_ he thought.

Peter smirked. “See you inside, everyone,” he said airily, sliding off the car with practiced grace and walking deeper into the ship.

—————————————————

It was weird, sharing a space with Nureyev again. Especially because it felt like even though they were physically close together, in every other way they were lightyears apart. They hadn’t talked much after Juno first came onto the ship. A short greeting here and there. Occasional words exchanged during crew meetings and mealtimes. Always polite and professional, with all the empty warmth of a late-shift cashier’s smile.

Juno felt like he was going to explode.

He wanted to get Nureyev alone and actually _talk_ to him, but he also didn’t want to push. He was the one who left, after all. He wasn’t about to go up to the man he’d walked out on and start making demands. (He certainly wasn’t putting it off because he was nervous. That would be silly, and go completely against the progress he was trying to make. He didn’t lie awake in his bed, trying to figure out what he would say, what he could possibly say, when he finally worked up the nerve. Not even once.)

Every once in a while they would end up alone in a room together, and Juno would take a deep breath, trying to bolster his courage. And every time, when he would turn to look, Nureyev would be gone. Juno tried not to get too bitter about it. He'd made his choice, after all. It was his to live with.

—————————————————

It happened so gradually that Juno didn’t even notice it at first. For weeks they skirted around each other. Not avoiding, but definitely not going out of their way to be near each other. Just… orbiting. But a person can only stay on-edge for so long, and eventually, things started to settle. At least a little. They talked a bit more, during meals and meetings. Juno slowly started joking around more, and Nureyev’s smiles became more genuine. He even threw out the occasional casual flirtation, the same way he did with the rest of the crew. At some point, Juno finally noticed the lack of tension in his body when they were around each other. Or the absence of additional tension, at least. He still ached a little, every time he saw him. Still felt that undeniable _wanting._ But he also stopped carefully monitoring his every word to him. Started feeling less like a ticking time bomb and more like this was something sustainable. Not something he could live with forever, by any means, but for a while, at least. Until the time felt right.

Maybe it was that realization that gave him the courage to finally say something. Or maybe he had just grown comfortable enough around Nureyev again. It was hard to tell. But it also didn’t really matter, because the result was the same. The weekly crew movie night (suggested by Rita, seconded by Jet, and enforced by Buddy) had ended, and everyone had started going their separate ways for bed. Juno had started heading back to his quarters, but decided to grab some water before he did, so he headed back towards the kitchen. He was just filling his glass when he heard someone else enter, and turned to find Nureyev, carrying a bag of his favorite chips.

“Hey.”

“Hello, Juno.”

Nureyev grabbed a clip for the bag, and went to put it away. Juno let the silence hang for a moment, before deciding to take a chance. They hadn’t had a real conversation that was just the two of them yet, but it had to happen eventually, right?

“What’d you think of the movie?”

Nureyev looked surprised for a brief moment, but recovered quickly.

“It was fun. I admit, I've always been fond of romances,” he added with a small smile. Juno’s smile grew.

“Yeah? Can I tell you a secret?”

Nureyev looked at him, curious.

“I’ve always liked them too. A lot, actually.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have taken you for the type,” Nureyev replied, looking like he was trying to reign in his delight. Juno shrugged.

“They’re... I don’t know. They’re nice. Who doesn’t like a happy ending now and then, right?”

Nureyev hummed in agreement, though his eyes went a little distant. “Yes. Who indeed?”

Juno looked away and swallowed, feeling the light atmosphere start to dissipate. He took a drink of water. _You’ve been waiting for the right moment,_ he thought to himself. _This one seems as good as any._ He took a deep breath, and looked up. Nureyev was still there.

“Hey, I...” Juno trailed off as Nureyev looked back up at him, but cleared his throat and kept going. “I know we haven’t really talked much, since I came on board. But I’d- I’d like to. If you ever want to. There’s... a lot I’d like to talk about. We don’t have to, obviously. But... if you ever want to, you know where to find me.”

Nureyev looked at him, eyes wide and full of a mix of emotions Juno couldn’t parse out.

“... I do. Thank you, Juno.”

“Yeah. It’s... I wish I’d talked to you sooner.” With that, Juno turned and headed back to his quarters. He resolutely refused to turn back to look at Nureyev. He didn’t know what expression would be on his face after that admission, but Juno knew that whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to see it.

———————————————————————————

Juno hadn't forgotten about his offer by the time Nureyev approached him— not by a long shot— but it had floated to the back of his mind after the first few days. It was over a week before he heard a knock on his door one evening.

"I thought the meeting wasn't until tomorrow morning!" he called through the door as he went to open it. It slid aside, revealing Nureyev standing there, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "Oh. Hi."

"Hello. I... I'd like to talk. May I come in?"

"Yeah! Yeah, of course," Juno replied, quickly moving to the side. Nureyev walked past, door closing behind him, and Juno caught the smell of his cologne. It was the first time he'd been close enough to notice since the hotel that he'd kept the same one. Juno almost felt lightheaded at it. He took a deep breath to compose himself and turned around.

"Did you wanna sit?"

Nureyev hesitated briefly before nodding. He sat in the chair at the small desk that had been in the room when Juno arrived, and Juno sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. They stayed silent for a long moment, before the corner of Nureyev's mouth quirked up in a wry smile.

"I know I'm the one who came to you, but I admit, now that I'm here, I don't quite know what to say."

"I... I can start, if you want," Juno suggested. Peter nodded. Juno took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Not even just for walking out like I did, though I am so, _so_ sorry for that, but for everything. The way I treated you... You trusted me, tried to work with me, and I just kept pushing you away. I was an asshole, honestly. And you deserved a lot better, and I'm sorry. I know it's kinda late for it, but I am trying to do better. Trying to be better."

Nureyev nodded slowly. "I've noticed," he said. "I've seen it, in how you interact with everyone. Honestly, I think seeing that is what convinced me to knock on your door. Not that I wasn't tempted before, but I wasn't sure if… And at any rate, I didn't even know if you would want me to, before you said something. I… I know I wasn't able to keep my promise about staying away entirely, but I was trying to keep my distance, at the very least."

"I'm glad you didn't. Stay away, that is. I…" Juno huffed out a quiet laugh. "I never thought I'd see you again, and I'm _really_ happy I get to." He took a breath, bracing himself. "I missed you."

The silence after that stretched out, tense enough that when Juno heard Peter quietly murmur "I missed you too," it felt like a physical relief.

"I'm sorry," Juno repeated. "I wish I'd…" He huffed a frustrated breath. Why were emotions so damn difficult? "I don't think it would've been a good idea back then. For me to go with you. But I wish I'd worked up the guts to actually talk to you about it instead of just running off."

Peter nodded slowly.

"Why did you?" he asked.

"What?"

"Why did you leave? To be honest, I assumed it was… Well. Having told you that if you didn't want to come with me you would never have to see me again, I thought that leaving like you did sent a rather clear message about what you did and didn't want."

Juno winced at that, but shook his head.

"No that's- Goddamn, I'm an idiot. I did want to go with you. I wanted it _so badly._ But I… I just didn't think it would work. I _knew_ it wouldn't. I'm not used to people sticking around, Nureyev. I was sure you'd realize taking me with you was a mistake and I just…" Juno took a deep breath. "I couldn't stand the thought of watching that. Figured I would save us both the trouble. But that wasn't fair of me, and I can admit that, now. It wasn't noble or any of that bullshit. I was just _scared._ I wasn't ready to leave, and decided you deserved better than someone who couldn't follow you. Didn't think you wanted someone who couldn't, from what you said. Not that it's your fault!" He rushed. "This is all on me. I just-"

"Juno," Peter interrupted, the softness in his voice stopping Juno in his tracks. "It's not all on you. I am so sorry you thought I meant what I said as an ultimatum. If I had known…" He sighed. "I was trying to give you an out, but I understand now how you didn't see it that way. I've spent my whole life running away from my problems and unpleasant memories. It never occurred to me that running might not provide the same relief for you. I do wish you had talked to me. But I am dearly sorry for anything I said or did to make you feel like you couldn't."

Juno felt tears welling up in his eye and tried to blink them away.

"No, no, it honestly wasn't you. I was just so stuck in my own head that I-" He sucked in a quiet sob, and saw Peter immediately stand.

"Oh, Juno."

And then there were warm arms wrapped around him, and a slightly damp face buried in his hair, and Peter's cologne surrounding him, and it felt more right than anything had in months. He took a few shaky breaths, willing them steadier, before pulling away just enough to meet Peter's eyes. Peter gave him a watery smile, and moved a hand to his cheek, his thumb gently wiping away the wetness there.

"We really are quite a pair, aren't we?"

Juno huffed a quiet laugh. "What can I say?" he replied. "You've made a fool out of me, Peter."

He saw Peter's breath catch, before his smile grew just a bit brighter.

"Well. If you're a fool, I suppose that makes two of us."

———————————————————————————

It didn't fix everything, Juno knew. Not the apologies, or the long hours spent holding each other. Not even finally waking up next to each other, albeit tear-stained and wearing their clothes from the night before, now hopelessly wrinkled. But it felt like a good start. Like something that could actually lead somewhere, if they put in the work. As Juno looked across the table to Peter at breakfast the next morning, eyes and smile as bright as ever, he couldn't help but feel hopeful. _Oh, what the hell?_ he thought to himself. _Third time's the charm._

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I'm posting this using the in-flight wifi on my plane back from the live show, because what else am I supposed to do with my time?
> 
> Fun fact #2: Kudos and comments make me smile. <3


End file.
